Consultants equal whatever you want – it’s what they do best

This will be a short post – I don’t really want to bore you but can someone tell me is the current definition of a consultant that I have match the one they have?  Mine is simply that a consultant is someone who is paid well above their worth and does stuff-all to tell the person signing the cheques that they are incredibly good.  Are we on the same page?  Yes that’s what a consultant would say – the same page.  Well in fact that’s what it seems the majority of consultants do. That is to ensure that the people who employ them are on the page.  That is that any so-called, independent report written by the top consultant tools around town reflect favourably on the client.  Hoot mon – it’s the old ‘who pays the piper’ riff isn’t it Jamie?

I read yesterday in that glorious piece of Sabbath freckle wipe (The Sun Herald) that Echo, the consortium who wants to polish the fading Star casino is taking on ‘Son of GoannaJamie Packer‘s Buggaryou zillion dollar casino for high rollers.  From all reports the Echo proposal is a thoughtful piece of work – pledging bridges and bouncers with backgrounds in bonsai, Liszt and the ballet.

The Freckle trumpets, courtesy of the new breed of investigative reporter, Tim Barlass, “Secret billion-dollar plans revealing key elements of one of the two bids vying to dominate the city’s casino business in the future can be revealed for the first time.”  Gosh, secret, really?  Perhaps Tim is a distant nephew of Bluey Bargearse – now that would make sense.  How else would Timmy get a “secret” report?

But wait there is more.  Super sleuth, Sean Nicholls from the Freckle has uncovered yet another “confidential” report done by PwC (Price Waterhouse Cooper).  Yes that’s how they want it portrayed in print – the little “w” is obviously due to the devalued nature of the Waterhouse brand name after cousin Tommy let the side down.

Strangely the ‘little w’ confidential report trashes Jamie Packer’s claim that his Buggaryou Project would bring in millions of visitors to Sydney.  They (or Echo say as they are paying them) it’s a mere 10,000 visitors.  And ‘little w’ should know they have a “Private Business Barometer” on their site.  It is obviously a very good tool for developing slogans such as “What you can do today to realise and discover the potential of tomorrow”.  Well bugger me – that’s a deep crock.

 

Packer’s Crown mob employed Allen Consulting so obviously the ‘Big As’ are going to be glass half-full on Crown stuff.  No, it’s overflowing like a waterfall – growth of $440M per annum and an extra 1400 jobs.  But hold onto your Keno cards, Echo’s pencillers, the “little w”, obviously use a different slide rule as they say only 810 jobs and a paltry $90M!

 

But wait there is even more. Sunday night news was full of John ‘Lucky Starr‘ O’Neill* spruiking the benefits of the Echo/Star proposal.  Now Lucky has had more jobs than Warnies had roots but if he’s behind the proposal then it’s got to be good.  John’s no mug.

 

 

Come this morning the Freckle’s print partner, the Sydney Morning Herald put on a new face.  A wrap-around cover featuring – wait for it – The Star.  Now is it a coincidence that Freckle’s leak, Lucky and the wrap-around all came within 24 hours?  No that’s what integrated marketing is all about – you simple fool.  It’s about dangling the advertising dollar out there in exchange for pretty press puff pieces.

 

 

 

 

 

So what’s going on here?  Leaked, confidential documents going to the press.  Two large consultancy firms coming up with totally different figures that appear to match their master’s expectations. Can we no longer trust consultants? Can we no longer expect balance from the press?

It’s chaos, our complex world is spinning.  Do we really need a bigger casino let alone two? I need to have my compass reset.  I wonder if ‘little w’ could lend me their ‘ethical business barometer’ – I hear it was last used in the sixties.

 

 

* You will all remember Lucky Starr’s 1962 hit, “I’ve been Everywhere”. If not do yourself a favour.