Author Archives: alcacted

Too much caviar and too much of a good thing – just who is the horses arse here?

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There was something not quite right last Friday night when one of the female part-owners led in the mighty Black Caviar at Money Valley. The fact the woman looked about as comfortable as an Obeid in an ICAC hearing and looked as stupid as made me wonder. Is it about the horse?

I know owners stump up great amounts of cash to dream of the ‘one’. I know that when a two y.o has its first start at Armidale or Echuca there are a lot of blokes in tight-fitting jackets who haven’t slept the night before. They have been on the phone to their mates spreading the word that the trainer “thinks we might just have something special here”. Inevitably they go to bar early and disappointed with homilies of ‘that’s racing’ or ‘needs more distance’. Sadly greater distance will not bring greater objectivity to the owner’s assessment of the horses performance.

Black Caviar, a big filly by Bel Esprit was purchased by Peter Moody at the Melbourne sales for $210,000. So this was not a conveyance by Drongo out of Pear Shape. It was one that could only be purchased with a fair bit of Harry Nash. So along came Neil Werrett and his substantial band of very merry men and women and good luck to them for making a large investment in the four-legged lottery. Werrett wasn’t a new chum here either he’d had a few nags with Moods before.

On 19 April 2009 16-year-old apprentice Jarrad Noske rode Caviar to a commanding first win in a 2 yo Handicap at Flemington and then to a further win next start. But for whatever reason Noske was brushed and Happy Hands Luke Nolan took over. I’m not sure what happened but I wonder whether the owners and trainer of Miracles of Life went through the same assessment process when they stuck with the unfashionable Lauren Stojakovic as hoop in the Blue Diamond at Caulfield? I’d like to think Jarrad was suspended or injured at the time. But that’s fine – senior jockey and all that – an owner’s prerogative. You pay the loot you can boot.

But I’ve put that to rest now only to wake up this morning to find in the Daily Dread that the Cav Crew now want free tickets with trimmings at the building site at Randwick for the Cranky Smith Stakes. Neil’s been busy because the hord has grown substantially and he wants 220 free tickets and enough champagne to fill Warragamba. It’s a bit sad really because reading between the lines the Cav Crew are obviously down to their last penny if they need to stitch up the ATC. Just shows what a GFC can do to smart money doesn’t it?.

So if the Cav Crew do have the arse out of their trousers and culottes then they can certainly put on a brave face. They seemed to be just fine on Friday night as they talked up top hats and morning suits at Ascot again and wanting to chat with Moods about another overseas jaunt. Apparently Neil Werrett was in fine spirits too at a private function on the night as he put mustard on the Sydney/Melbourne debate by saying that Sydneysiders just didn’t appreciate Black Caviar.

Well Cav Crew – we’d love to be able to appreciate Black Caviar but you are taking close to 1% of the bloody tickets. The building site at Randwick isn’t at full capacity yet and you are not helping. Your marquee is also taking up space that would be more usefully occupied by a pluto pup stand or a tarot card reader (Don’t sneer Neilo, we all need help in the last!)

But it’s probably the talk of another trip to Ascot that gets on my goat the most. I can forgive greed as I love to get to the bottom of a terrific trough myself. I would like to think it was too much of the rum rumble on Friday night that led to the Cav Crew talking up a second tilt at Ascot. One only had to see the poor mare in the Ascot parade ring last time to see that she wasn’t happy. Who would be? Anyone would resent being leered at by a bunch of chinless toffs dressed up like undertakers. She busted her gut to win despite Happy Hands and she deserves not be put through the draining rubber suit experience again.

There is an old racecourse adage that says nothing improves a horse’s performance like ownership but that owning a horse doesn’t necessarily improve an owner. Let’s hope for Black Caviar’s sake there is improvement in both.

Umpire can I have a review of that decision?

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I’m standing here in the middle of the night with a kerosene lamp showing a shadowy light on the outskirts of Chandigarh. I’m trying to hit a golf ball up against a tank with a stump waiting for the call that I know will never come. It’s a call from Poodle Clarke assuring me that nothing is wrong in camp. It’s a call that says we acted fairly. We had our backs against the wall. These guys are really bad characters who knock on doors at night and run away to snort Stilnox. We are better off without these guys. Trust me.

But I can’t. There are things swirling around my head. These are questions that remain unanswered. So Dear Poodle if you have time between marking essays with Disney Arthur can you just answer these few simple questions.

1. Was there a team bus trip recently in Mohali that you weren’t on?

2. While the rest of the team were on that trip were you off sightseeing at the Taj Mahal you lucky bugger? I ask this because I thought it was almost traditional for touring teams to have a team photo taken at the Taj.

3. Have there been other players on this trip who have not done the required work but have escaped punishment?

4. Was there a clear, unequivocal deadline that all players were aware of for the handing in of their “plans”?

5. Do you think that Mickey Arthur is worth $400K a year?

6. If in fact there has been issues from the beginning of this tour why weren’t they dealt with at an earlier time?

7. Do you believe that Usman Khawaja fits in with the defined team “culture”?

8. Has any current squad player been told that they do not fit into the team “culture”?

9. How would you define the Australian Cricket Team “culture”?

10. Do you as captain believe that captains should never show favouritism to players?

11. Do you think loyalty should be rewarded?

12. Have there been any reportable incidents with players within the Australian squad recently that have not been dealt with properly – that is swept under the covers?

13. Do you think you have made any errors of judgement in terms of your captaincy over the last twelve months – if so what are they?

Thanks Poodle – I know that there are more questions here than you have players but I also know with you and Disney running the show the Third Test is in the bag.

PS: Is there a shortage of razor blades in India? I noted that you appeared on my television the other night somewhat unshaven. I thought there must be a very good reason for this because I am sure that the incedible High Performance Manager and chemist Pat Howard would not like the captain looking like someone who disrespects the team and its culture.

Pessimists never get disappointed – a sporting wish list for 2013

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I’m really struggling to put down a sporting wish list for this year.

I want to approach the task with all the fervour of a young tagged kid with too much Red Bull coursing through his unclogged arteries. But it is hard to do this because with as many years on the clock as my IQ the arteries are clogged, the brain is “doonered”and to be honest I have been incredibly disappointed in recent years with not one wish getting up or even going close. My gut instinct is to settle for less.

Seneca the Younger, the Roman philosopher had a good grip on disappointment – he basically put it all on the plate when he asked us to consider why we continue to get disappointed by the expected bad behaviour of all the low dicks around us? Seneca Jnr was saying that pessimists never get disappointed. But bugger the Romans they are rubbish at most sports except those that involve hair dye and high heels.  So here it is.

My overarching wish is to see fashion eradicated from all sport

Appearance over performance is on the rise not only on the paddock but in the press.  Fairfax Media had two stories about rugby league players suits in a month.  This twaddle took the column inches from serious analysis of the game.

So where do we start?  Well I’d start like this.  If a character turns up with some fancy shear work on their dome expecting to run on for their country they’d be yanked.  If they want to get their ends tinted then that can be done in the privacy of their own home but it has no place on the paddock of pride.  The offender would be given two options – a sensible haircut done by a barber seconded to the national team or simply told to bugger off.

If a sportsperson gets a tat and wants to play for or represent their country that’s fine as long as we don’t have to see their stupidity on display.  I’m talking long sleeve shirts and pants here if necessary and if they have one of those neck tats with stupid, scribbly writing with words like “Forever” or “Bethany” – I’m thinking a very tight-fitting cravat.  Now the extra gear could be a problem for swimmers but kiddies would only have to see someone sinking to the bottom of the pool in the 1500m freestyle at the Rings to get the message loud and clear.

Wallabies clean sweep against New Zealand in the 2013 Bledisloe Cup

In Rugby Union – the game my old claret partner Tom calls,”stacks on the mill”, I just want to see the Wallabies win the bloody Bledisloe Cup.

That cannot be such a big ask given we spend more money indirectly propping up this game via our tax dollars to the rugby breeding grounds of places like St Kevins of the Bleeding Noses than we do on aircraft carriers. For this sort of investment I don’t want to see further second half capitulation that has become the signature tune of some of the haircuts and inked billboards that run around these days in the gold.

I want to return to the days of hard slightly unfit characters desperately grunting hanging on with blood, mud and spittle on their chins.  I know the milk industry has been rubbished by deregulation and Woolworths and the bush is being ripped up by Big Gina so pickings are slim but we need more dairy farmers and cockies on the park. We need blokes who know what drought is rather than these show ponies who sook it if a trainer doesn’t run on to give them a drink and well-done on the arse.

We need blokes with big ears and bad haircuts that only think about one thing.  In October this year, after winning the first two they live or die for the pleasure of grinding those mongrels in black jerseys so far into the mud of the Forsyth Barr Stadium in Duneedin that a fleet of back-hoe drivers are required after the match.

An Australian bred horse that cost peanuts wins the 2013 Melbourne Cup

I don’t want it trained by Gai Waterhouse but by a trainer who cut their teeth at places like Northam, Seymour, Mudgee or Scone.  That someone would have to be a person who pays their staff and strappers a fair wage and who works around the stables not sits on their freckle at three-hatted restaurant tables.

I don’t want it to be owned by Blue Tongue Singleton or the Parrot. It should be owned by many including a butcher, a baker and the chap who broke it in.  I don’t want a Sheik Yo Money, I want a Sheik from Scrubby Creek with teeth like tomb stones, a ruddy face and story to tell.  I also want it ridden by a smiling young woman who looks silly in a frock and a hunger to do the right thing by the owners not a fist-pumping rock jock who has deep pockets and shallow thoughts.

I want certain player managers to attend ethics classes

This is a big ask.  The NRL Code of Ethics for player agents is a simple one page, eight point addendum to the Accredited Player Agent Scheme Rules document.  I can understand why one would want to keep the document simple.  A lot of these people trail off half-way through 160 character tweet.

The player agents in all sports are often the mentors, business managers and social conductors for these young players – some who are a long way from home and family influence.  In recent times some of these player agents have been missing in action in most regards of their duty of care.  Some are simply incapable of assisting their charges in navigating the complex social/work maze that young sportspeople have to traverse daily.

Some of the ethics course workshops could include;

  • What’s yours is mine : Business Ethics
  • You buy one – I get one for free : Financial Planning
  • Tats, tequila and trifectas : Social Skills and Responsibility

I want the Swans “No dickhead rule” to be mandatory for all sporting clubs

Now this will have a devastating impact on most codes and clubs.  For awhile there will be more sporting positions vacant notices than fatties at a fry-off.

There will be pain.  No Friday night games, there will be forfeits, coachless clubs, boards without directors, two-man front rows, foot-long grass and chubby blokes coming from fourth grade to bat for Australia.  But take solace – there will be no dickheads.  That is no blowhards, no big heads, no loons, no lard farmers or flash moles.  There will just be good sports.

 

Why I don’t particularly like Cam Smith

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Look this is not a strong dislike compared to the ones I have for blokes who hang their jeans off their freckles or people who only indicate they are turning right after the lights change or pimply suited knobs who talk on their mobiles as if every one within a kilometre wants to know that they had a “massif blow out…eh man”.  No it’s not that strong.  It’s really just like a mild form of skin irritation that you scratch but it never quite goes away – that’s the relationship I have with Cameron Smith.  It’s also annoying because he is a very good player but he just doesn’t sit right with me. So that you can understand my reluctance to embrace this former Logan Brothers boy I’ll list just a few of the reasons why I don’t like the cut of Cam’s jaunty jib.

Reason No 1 : He captains a team that cheated

Way back when the Storm were found to be rorting the salary cap the Telegraph reported that allegedly “Melbourne Storm officials secretly paid skipper Cameron Smith $60,000 to renovate his home as part of a deal outside of his NRL contract.”  Possibly it went like this, if in fact it was true, one Monday morning early a truck load of bricks and sand were dumped in his front yard, then a bunch of blokes arrived in overalls.  Smith questioned them and said, “Hey what are you fellas doing here?”. They replied “We are here to do your extension Cam”. Smith replied, “Oh, all right that’s cool.”

Despite some players getting boats, cars and Harvey Norman vouchers some just simply didn’t realise it was illegal and why would they?  They are simply just football players who just want to get out on the park fuelled on bit of calves blood and have fun.

Reason No 2 : Some say Smith doesn’t play fair

In an article after State of Origin III in 2012, Dean Ritchie titled, Queensland captain Cameron Smith reveals his darker side during Origin III.  Ritchie details some of Smith’s alleged indiscretions.

“A star who stands for everything good in the game. But here is the proof Queensland skipper Cam Smith has a dark side that NSW discovered on Wednesday night at Suncorp Stadium. The Daily Telegraph has unearthed eight separate incidents during State of Origin III that could have resulted in Smith being penalised, sin-binned or even being placed on report. He avoided detection. There was a grapple, headlock, knee, arm twist and neck grab.”

Let’s not beat around the bush here.  He captains a team that would have golded in wrestling at the first Olympics.  In fact some Storm players are so intense in their tackling technique that some Storm wives have sought counselling citing that their husbands spend more time lying on top of opposition players than them.

Reason 3 : It’s all about Cam and his petty parochialism

It appears Cam is not aware or concerned that Australia is made up of a number of states and territories, only one of which happens to be Queensland.

After the Kangaroo Test late last year the Telegraph wrote that “The Kangaroos skipper had been forced to interrupt his end-of-season to clear the air with Paul Gallen over the controversy surrounding the chanting of the Queensland victory song after Australia’s recent Test win.”  The article went onto say that “even cricket great Steve Waugh and former Wallaby hardman Simon Poidevin called for the Queenslanders to make a public apology but it appears there is little chance of that ever happening.”

Reason 4 : It’s all about Cam and the elite players not the game

In recent times Cameron Smith has come out and said that there are too many games and that elite players are getting jaded and burnt out.  He is not enamoured with a second NZ team either.  Cam thinks he has the fans’ interests at heart and perhaps he has. He is quoted in the SMH as saying:

”What the fans want, they want to see the elite players in the game for as long as they can. Do you want Greg Inglis to play five or six years and be burnt out?  Or do we want to give him an opportunity to be in our game for 10 years?”

Well Cam, I really do not care how long you and Cordial Inglis stay in the game because surprise, surprise there are always talented young players to replace you who are rearing to have a house let alone have their houses renovated for them. You played 30 games last year, you poor overtaxed bugger – give us a break.  Big Mal Meninga played 37 in 1990 on one leg and a crook arm you big sook!

Reason 5 : I suspect he wanted to be called “Cam”

I’m not sure whether this is part urban myth or part old-timers disease on my part but I thought there was a time when Cameron Smith, the rugby league player, had his manager inform media outlets that his player wanted to be known as “Cam”.  Surely not – but perhaps someone else knows the story.  If it is true that like the attention span of a teenager Cam wanted it short and ‘tweet to contemporise his image then I don’t need all the other reasons I have listed above.

Young, dumb and too full of rum – our State of Drunkenness?

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Police groups, crime statisticians and a few intelligent politicians rightly say we need to clean up this whole drunken mess that’s turning our streets into war zones.  We have had successful trials in Newcastle, Grafton and Wagga Wagga that have dramatically reduced the alcohol-related crime and violence.  But what have O’Farrell and the previous Labor numbskulls done?

They have done nothing.  They continue to sit on their flaccid fat arses influenced by gold-chained lobbyists while the over-drunk create fountains of vomit and blood in our streets.

Let’s make it perfectly clear, I have been known to throw golden throat charmers down my gullet as if Prohibition was coming at midnight so I do not speak from the moral high ground of a casual restrained drinker.  Sadly I have also witnessed and recoiled in places of drinking from the sickening dull thud as alcohol fuelled fists thump into the marrow and bone of a lesser combatant.

In a week where the disturbing Four Corners program, Punch Drunk highlighted the incredible personal tragedy and social cost of drunkenness we are yet to hear from the Australian Hotel Association (AHA).   This defender of watering holes and shady taverns has both state and federal governments recoiling in fear anytime someone decides to embark on some responsible legislative agenda to regulate the alcohol and gaming industry.

In a wonderfully detailed story over a year ago in the Sunday Telegraph, journalist, Jane Hansen detailed the intense lobbying and hectoring influence the AHA has had over past and present governments.  The AHA dismissed it as a “sensationalised piece”. Hansen details the plus $800,000 in 2008 and $500,000 plus in late 2010 that the group paid to political parties.  Hansen goes onto detail the links between the AHA and the State Liberal Party.

”Less than a year after the O’Farrell government was elected, the AHA has already locked on. At least two Liberal Party executives are on the AHA payroll including the AHA NSW Branch’s newly-appointed Chief Executive, Paul Nicolaou and former state Liberal Minister, Michael Photios.”

It is also interesting to examine the two-way trough between AHA and other groups apart from ex-politicians who seem to be doing very nicely in the apocalyptic swill.  British American Tobacco, Tabcorp and Pokie manufacturers tip into the AHA till year after year. Concerned about the unbridled influence of industry groups beating an easy path to government ICAC published a November 2010 report, Investigation into Corruption Risks involved in Lobbying. It stated;

“That lobbying attracts widespread community perceptions of corruption, and involves a number of corruption risks. A lack of transparency in the current lobbying regulatory system in NSW is a major corruption risk, and contributes significantly to public distrust.”

Well aren’t ICAC a funny lot.  They worry over the slightest issue.  For example I think we didn’t need to worry when at a AHA fundraiser in March 2009 the bloke who then ran Scruffy Murphy’s (Sydney) allegedly paid $70K for a dinner with O’Farrell.  That was alright, Barry’s a straight shooter (oh dear that’s another problem isn’t it?).

But no one is willing to step out of line against the AHA.  Everyone except the Greens seems to be gutless in this state.

If you are not convinced about our “State of drunkenness” just head down to the Quay end of George Street, near where Hammer Hemmes has built his grog shacks, late on any Friday or Saturday night.  You’ll see the result of twenty plus years of industry influence and the resultant gutlessness inaction of a series of lard-arsed, unprincipled politicians.

The Danny Weidler story – a scribbler or a dribbler?

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We can understand that the Fairfax Media‘s business model requires that they engage the “young, dumb and full of rum” galoots that tweet and toggle as FM’s rivers of gold dry up.  We did also understand that it was only a matter of time before fiscal expediency caused their online presence to become full of total tosh from beauty tips for the busy to shock horror celeb stories but we never expected Fairfax to recruit from the shallow end.

I understand that sports scribbler, Danny ‘Favours’ Weidler is an engaging and highly intelligent cove who loves nothing more than to sink a ‘Beam and cola’ while debating  the merits of coordinating conjunctions before moving onto the topic of Joyce’s “Ulysses” as a language destabiliser.  But in his writings poor ‘Favours’ is seriously not a weapon of mass instruction.

In an article on the SMH website on 17 February he wrote a syrup strip titled, “Sharks grill players for info on Dank.”(Sharkies Story)  Weidler is keen to point out at the beginning “The Sharks won’t say it but they are conducting the most thorough of investigations imaginable to find out exactly what controversial sports scientist Stephen Dank did at Cronulla for two months in 2011.”  That’s a nod and a wink reference as in “sources close to the club” and “I am reliably informed” blah. Weidler then goes on to document the “thorough” investigation which turns out was to simply sit down players who were there in 2011 and then get them to “confess all”. Well Danny, even though the “Sharks won’t say it”, I will.  Firstly that methodology doesn’t sound thorough to me – it sounds like a game of “Simple Simon” and secondly if the Sharks didn’t say it who did?

While never short on sources ‘Favours’ can go a touch florid at times in his stories, in one he describes a bit of lower grade gossip as “juicier than a body-building competition in the 1980s”.  But it’s not his purple prose that annoys true sports fans – it’s in his writing where he at times becomes a gushing apologist for heavily tattooed, lightly brained “sports people”.

Pithy homilies seemingly to please player managers and their spawn generally go like this, “Player manager Slippery is understandably upset at criticism of his client, Brutus who is the victim of a smear campaign after it was alleged by Bondi police that Brutus was caught with 25 stolen Ipads in the boot of his car.  Slippery claims that Brutus, a victim of circumstances, collected the Ipads in good faith, unaware they were “stolen”, for an upcoming charity auction.  Slippery said the auction had not been advertised because his client wanted to make sure that he had the goods first.  It seems everyone is just too quick to judge these days.”

If one trawls the sporting blogs and forums you’ll find references to Weidler and he has certainly created heat.  On “the hutch” (the hutch), a forum for South’s supporters, a post by “The Perp” states, “Danny Weidler, the gossip columnist from the Sun-Herald newspaper, is a lickspittle for the rich and famous.”  I’m not sure of what if any agenda Weidler had in writing the piece that got up Perp’s nose.  What is remarkable is that by any measure, “The Perp’s”  research and writing seems far more detailed and logical than that of Weidler.

Now I’m sure ‘Favours’ does his best.  I am equally sure it’s difficult to balance the demands of quality journalism with servicing sources however it appears that true balance is missing in his writing at times.

Look at this shameless tosh that Weidler recently dribbled lazily onto the SMH site about the Roosters going upmarket with their suits and oh dear how close am I going to the spittoon with this?

“Apsley Tailors are now the official tailors of the Roosters and will christen their new threads at their season launch. If you aren’t a suit fanatic you won’t know Apsley are also the official tailors for Fulham and West Ham.  Renowned tailor Arshad Mahmood did a couple of fittings with the the (‘Favours’ double) Roosters team and board, including Mark Bouris, Mark McInnes (doesn’t he shop at Myers now?), Mark Fennessy and Luke Ricketson.  Fennessy and a couple of the players, including Mitchell Pearce were so impressed they purchased extra suits.”

In past non-digital times Herald sporting journalists would have refused to allow a column inch of this blighted plop to ever appear in their paper.  ‘Favours’ would have been kicked onto Parramatta Road and told that he was more suited to driving a Tooth’s brewery horse across the road rather than driving the PR agenda for sporting spivs and ne’re-do-wells.

Scribbler or dribbler?  That was the question.  All I can say is pass the spittoon please.

Bone heads overdose in an orgy of self pity

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While I have some sympathy for the public outing by the NRL of six clubs for allegedly having some link to some shady bods in white coats I just think some of these coach characters could be pinged for laying the cream on a bit too thickly.  Coach of the Cowboys, Neil Henry claims the naming of the club is a “slight on the integrity of the club”.  Do I hear the name Ryan Tandy echoing down the hall of mirrors?

And as the Cowboy’s football manager, Peter “Putter” Parr negotiates with player manager, Sam “the Sham” Ayoub over the wonderful JT‘s contract, I wonder, post the indignation if Henry asks the question, in the quieter moments, is “irony” just another player supplement?

I have a sliver more sympathy for Journeyman John Fahey, whose thankless task is to the roam the world, business class, wagging his finger at a sporting bodies who have to be dragged screaming to the table to begin to get their anti-dping strategies up to scratch.  I also feel sorry for John because he was once a New Zealander as well as allegedly being a bit of a pro-lifer in the past.  Fahey is right in wondering why sports like rugby league have failed to have a regime of athlete biological passports in place for at least the past decade even if they struggled to spell it.

The reason is that most sports go softly softly until the dope hits the fan.  So what the ACC Report has achieved for rugby league is the establishment, under the artful eye of beak  Antony “Gough” Whitlam QC, of an Integrity Unit.

How long it would have taken Archie and the Jugheads at the ARLC to set up such a Unit? The percentage of budget the NRL spent on systematic prevention of doping and corruption over the last ten years gives an idea of how seriously all administrations took these issues until the ACC Report.  Until now a bit of Black Angus claret injected into the bumholes of boofheads was just an old fashioned way of having fun and perhaps getting a bit of an edge on the day.

But now if they get it right we can avoid going back to the black days of the lightly framed bulking up mysteriously in the “off” season under the instructions of chemists and charlatans who have as their only consideration a fat fee. Now we can hopefully see clubs think less about untried chemistry and more about the welfare of young blokes who just want to get onto the paddock and “go hard and straight”.

Poodle prefers Packer to “pal” and ends up in the Pound

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Despite Michael Clarke‘s (alias “Poodle”) recent success at the crease there is still something about him that just doesn’t sit right with some crusty cricket fans.  These recalcitrant fans are probably your more traditional types who can remember when beer was served in glasses at the SCG and players didn’t trot onto the hallowed turf with “She will rock you” blaring.  These fans also probably believe that T20 is chewing gum for errant red cordial-fuelled numbskulls.

Despite Clarke’s apparent media makeover and his often considered post-match commentary there appears to be a darker side.  Now part of the selection panel, players are obviously careful not to antagonise Poodle lest they end up in the pound.

Rumours abound over the alleged treatment by Michael Clarke of Mike Hussey‘s during “Mr Cricket’s” final days in the Australian camp.  Hussey apparently believed, rightly or wrongly, that he was in line to play a couple of the one day matches post his final test match due to being one of the “best available” players.  He didn’t.

There are rumoured reports that Clarke the peacemaker broached the rather strange concept with Mr Cricket of him doing a “lap of honour” before the ODI in Perth.  Apparently this incredibly creative suggestion was greeted with great derision from Hussey who also gave Poodle some instructions of how the concept should be self-stored.

Now Clarkie, not one to bare grudges asked Hussey on the day before the Test ended how he wanted to celebrate once the match was over.  Hussey replied, possibly channelling David Boone,that he simply wanted to pour endless golden throat-charmers down his gullet in the Australian dressing room, accompanied by his team mates and support staff.

Now from here on it gets a bit hazy but rumour suggests the following may have happened.  So I’ll pose the following questions:

Did Michael Clarke or others then organise a function on Jamie Packer’s tinnie on the evening of the last day’s play?

Did someone, when they found out that a lot of the players were going to channel Boonie with Mr Cricket, make the Packer tinnie trip an official Cricket Australia function thereby “forcing” players to attend?

I understand that a couple of players stayed with Mike Hussey (possibly Siddle and Lyon) in the shed as well as friends and support staff.

There are also unsubstantiated rumours of abusive phone calls to Hussey the next morning but I don’t think anyone would do that to a national icon like Mr Cricket because if that ever appeared in any tawdry sports tome that would tarnish the ethos of Australian cricket.

I stress these are only rumours however if we look back at the fallout over the Katich/Clarke incident there is a pattern of behaviour that is emerging.  It seems that Michael Clarke is coping at the crease but as a captain he is displaying all the churlishness of a child who is all too easily attracted to “bright shiny things”.

Backdoor Benny deals dud cards to duped fans

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A former first grade rugby league coach once said that “League is a simple game played by even simpler people”.

That some Tigers supporters actually believe in Benny Elias (alias Backdoor Benny) and his “mates” attempt to paint themselves as the saviours of the Balmain Club show that some of the supporters are even simpler than some of the former players.

The plan is of course for the development of the old Tiger’s Leagues Club site on Victoria Road, Rozelle into a multi-tower monstrosity that honours the gods of greed and stupidity.  Benny and the Board of Tigers want these poor duped sods to turn up at a proposed march to support Benny’s twin-towers on 2 March. Just how many actually turn up will tell us just how simple they actually are.

Speaking of simple.  Just how simple was it for the Balmain Tigers Board to make the decision to allow a current Board member, Benny Elias to sign a deal with it?

It has been well documented by Fairfax Media (‘thank you Kelly Burke”) that former Balmain player (I refrain from using words such as “legend”, “star” or “champion” as I may vomit), Benny Elias’s company Fordmont owned a 50% stake in Rozelle Village Pty Ltd – the company seeking to redevelop the troubled Rozelle site.  It appears that Elias didn’t disclose in the first instance that he would gain financially from the development.   Arhh just a small detail Benny – perhaps too many knocks on the melon in many a melee. He preferred to simply sell the “idea” to fans at club matches by trading on his faded past.

In a recent open letter, local Leichhardt Mayor, Darcy Byrne urged Tigers fans not to take part in a rally in support of the 24-storey proposed redevelopment at Rozelle.  Byrne said that he believes there was still no guarantee that the redeveloped site would include a permanent home for the NRL club.

This whole saga has been developing since 2009, when Elias, still a club Board member signed a heads of agreement with Board member David Trodden and others to take over the stalled development of the Club.  What a deal!  The agreement was to write-off the Club debts of over $23M in exchange for the Club’s property for the princely sum of $1.  Of course since that time the Club has paid many hundreds of thousands of dollars back in fees and interest and the Club is still close to $10M in debt.

Fabulous work by the Board it would seem.  The Tigers Board has or has had on it your standard rugby league mix of beaks, business and boofhead types plus the odd Olympian. So with such a solid crew what happened?   One would have thought any deal would have had a well-structured business plan as the basis of any negotiations.  You can be forgiven for thinking that it was obvious that a tendering process should have been undertaken to gain the very best deal for both local residents, the club and the fans.  However it appears that when the board thought business, they thought of “funny business” or to be more accurate “Benny business”.  Or was it that they were so impressed with Elias’s work as the chairman of Chameleon Mining that they thought this is the deal of the century?   As Elias said at that fatal member’s meeting, “The only option if the proposal is voted down is to close the leagues club doors.”  Yes particularly when no one else was asked to the party except Benny and his band.

As the stench continues to rise over this whole sorry barn dance, as links to the Obeid Clan and the other usual jokers around the money cesspool come to light the real question here is whether the Board of the Club is capable of impartially deciding what is best for the future of the Club and the local community or more concerned about preserving past glories and practices as well as seeing that their little mate, former Board Member Benny “does good”.

If the Board actually cared about their local Rozelle community and the West Tigers Rugby League tradition then they would stand up and say we made, in good faith a very bad business decision and now we urge all Tiger supporters to “simply” say “no” to these rough-headed flash rats with their gold teeth and chains.